I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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