I cockslap morals
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
