Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
