sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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