omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Bring me that man meat
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
