just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
