I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
