I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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