Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize