don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
