also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
