When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
