alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
