new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
