my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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