So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
