we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
