The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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