haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize