He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
