I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
