in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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