Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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