Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
