How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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