ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize