it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You ruined the universe
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
