I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
