tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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