Need sex. Gaining weight.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
