i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
