I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize