On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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