We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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