Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i love accidental penises.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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