there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
did i walk over a car last night?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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