we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
