you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you win again, gameday.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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