You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
