Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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