I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize