Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
