We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize