Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize