all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
