im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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