Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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