my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
