the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
