I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
