I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
