dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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