it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
