Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
