I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Are these your boobs on my camera?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
