someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
