well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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