I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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