I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
MIDGETS
????
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
