i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
