This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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