dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
