I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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