Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
