I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
