You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
