I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize