I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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