Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
