Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
