Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
