super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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