Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
