You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
