She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
