she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i think my cat just said my name.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
