apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
